{"product_id":"vertical-lines-ii-a-compendium-of-sarcasm-word-play-and-witticisms-paperback","title":"Vertical Lines II: A Compendium of Sarcasm, Word Play, and Witticisms - Paperback","description":"\u003cp\u003eby \u003cb\u003eAndrew A. Felder\u003c\/b\u003e (Editor)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBook II is every bit as delightful as the original Vertical Lines - page after page of smiles, laughs, and sometimes outright guffaws. Both books are the perfect companions when you need a pick-me-up or just have a few minutes and want something light. And they never get old! Open to any page and see for yourself. Guaranteed to please!\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSamples: \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI asked my husband if I was the only one he had ever slept with. He said yes, all the others were nines or tens. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI went swimming today. I took a pee in the deep end. The lifeguard noticed and blew his f**king whistle so loud, I almost fell in.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e Good men are found in every corner of the Earth. Unfortunately, the Earth is round.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHe: \"I started seeing someone. She: \"As in dating or hallucinations?\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI had my patience tested. I'm negative.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI run like the winded.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children' and I thought, 'That sounds like a fair trade.'\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIrony - the opposite of wrinkly.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBefore was was was was, was was is.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCourage is knowing it might hurt and doing it anyway. Stupidity is exactly the same thing, and that's why life is hard.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e Retired: I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e Don't be sad when a bird craps on your head. Be happy that dogs can't fly.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eEvery morning is the dawn of a new error.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMy luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried. Onions was a good dog.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI threw out my back sleeping and tweaked my neck sneezing, so I'm probably just one strong fart away from complete paralysis.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI wanted to lose 10 pounds this year. Only 13 to go.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI went on a date with a blonde last night. \"Do you have any kids?\" she asked. \"Yes,\" I replied. \"I have one child that's just under two.\" She said, \"I might be blonde, but I know how many one is.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI've been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now, I think I'll start calling them traditions.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI'm writing a book about all the things I should be doing with my life. It's an oughtobiography.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe word 'umbrella' was going to be just 'brella' but the inventor of the word hesitated. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThere are two parts of my brain - left and right. In the left side, there's nothing right. And in the right side, there's nothing left. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThree of my favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhen I was young, I felt like a male trapped in a female's body. Then I was born.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWomen should not have children after 35 - 35 children are enough! \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou come from dust. You will return to dust. That's why I don't dust. It could be someone I know.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou have to stay in shape. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eNumber of Pages:\u003c\/strong\u003e 166\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDimensions:\u003c\/strong\u003e 0.42 x 8 x 5 IN\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePublication Date:\u003c\/strong\u003e November 25, 2022\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Books by splitShops","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":42123899601031,"sku":"9798885266390","price":15.82,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0601\/2623\/2711\/files\/1bcbb066b2f601633ae1792c94f694d6.webp?v=1732568732","url":"https:\/\/booksby.splitshops.com\/products\/vertical-lines-ii-a-compendium-of-sarcasm-word-play-and-witticisms-paperback","provider":"Books by splitShops","version":"1.0","type":"link"}