Desire & Desirability: Transform the Pursuer/Distancer Dynamic into a Mutual Loving Relationship - Paperback

by Alison Poulsen (Author)

Whether you are the Pursuer desiring more intimacy or the Distancer seeking more autonomy, "Desire & Desirability" gives you insight into the dangers of the Pursuer/Distancer relationship pattern and the tools to break free of it. When Pursuers seek too much connection or attachment, Distancers feel smothered or trapped. When Distancers feel too much pressure for togetherness, they become anxious about losing their freedom and their sense of self. Ultimately, when pushed too hard for increased connection, Distancers often withdraw from the relationship leaving the Pursuer feeling rejected or heartbroken. To sustain a mutually-fulfilling relationship, the first step is knowing how to change your own behavior to transform the relationship dynamic. Real-life examples illustrate ways to transform desire based on need into desirability based on fullness. The examples focus primarily on couples in loving relationships but the principles discussed hold true for all types of relationships including parents and children, co-workers, and friends. The strategies in this book will empower you to achieve a more sustainable and happier relationship based on mutual desire.

Author Biography

Alison Poulsen received a BA in philosophy at UC Berkeley, an MA and JD at UC Davis, and a PhD in psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute. "How to sustain a fulfilling, long-term relationship" has been the focus of her thesis and practice. Her first book, "So what I REALLY Meant: Better Communication, Better Relationships," is based on her long-running blog by the same name. Many readers have sent in comments expressing great value and benefit from understanding the Pursuer/Distancer dynamic. Therefore, "Desire & Desirability" is in large part inspired by her readers. Alison and her husband are the parents of two children and live in Ketchum, Idaho. She is an avid waterskier and a three-time US champion.